Hiding my Autistic self

I’m an Autistic person. Most of the time people could look at me and not know that I’m Autistic. I hide a lot of my Autistic things. I don’t flap my hands a lot, and I don’t tell some person that I know that I am “Autistic”. This can be hard for me. I feel like most of the time I am hiding a lot of things. People may notice that I cover my ears when I hear loud sounds, Or they may notice I eat out of a lunchbox. They may wonder why I dislike hugs. There are only a few friends that know I’m Autistic.

I only open up to people I know really well. I feel relief when I tell a family member or close friend that I am Autistic. Yes, they won’t always understand because they are not in my shoes, I Love them anyways. Yes, at times I may feel frustrated with them for not understanding my social anxiety, conversation difficulties, a need for routine, and sensory issues, I just tell myself “I know I feel upset about this, but they aren’t Autistic, so they can’t understand what it’s like, so I need to try to explain and be patient with them.”

Someday I hope there will be understanding with autism so that autistic people can freely be themselves without worrying about social judgment. Someday I hope that an autistic person can tell somebody “I’m Autistic” without shame or fear. Someday I hope that Autistic people won’t have to hide anymore.

photo credit: nasrulekram <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/22074118@N00/997415862″>Incognito</a&gt; via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/”>(license)</a&gt;

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