It was time to get ready to perform in a Piano recital. We got to the building early and rehearsed going out and bowing. As soon as I was in the building I felt the tension in my stomach start. After a while we were waiting in the adjoining room to play. I was up first. My heart pounded at a furious pace and my stomach was so tight I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Then I walked out and bowed “All of these people are looking at me!! I hope I don’t mess up!!”
I go to the Piano bench and sit down. I smooth my dress over. I breathe, but it’s not normal. It’s getting faster and faster. I play slowly, the first song goes well. I start the second song and I mess up on a chord halfway, “Keep going!” Screams a voice inside my head. I get to the fast section, I start losing my tempo and notes. I then decide to skip over to parts I know. Everything smoothes out again and I finish. I get up and bow. When I go to sit on the benches I relax a little. It took the rest of the recital to relax. I felt very shaky.
I want to say that my Piano teacher is not responsible for me messing up. This happens to everybody. She is one of the most incredible, patient, caring teachers that I have every known. 🙂 Hopefully, someday I will learn how to manage my anxiety.
I did not socialize as it was loud from everybody talking. I would love to have been able to socialize, but I was tired from my anxiety and the noise bothered me. I didn’t want to wear my earplugs because I didn’t want to eat with them in (that would sound really weird). Oh well. I have other chances to socialize with my friends and family. 🙂
photo credit: Wolfgang Lonien <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/99713555@N00/30732271804″>7e0_c116022-dark-side-piano-practice</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/”>(license)</a>