Sometimes I get really frustrated because others can’t understand me. I think one of the most frustrated things of being Autistic is that others can’t feel what it’s like to be “Autistic”. One of the most frustrating things for me is that they cannot understand my sensory issues. They can’t feel what it feels like to have noise sensitivity, they can’t feel what it feels like to gag on applesauce if it is swallowed too fast, and they can’t feel what it feels like to be absolutely overloaded by a bright camera flash. I know my friends and family love me, and that they want the best for me, but they just can’t feel what I feel.
I would like to be able to socialize in a big group of people, but the noise would bother me. I wouldn’t be able to filter out the sound, and I would probably end up being tired. One of the things that I have learned is that I need to take sensory breaks and make limits. I found out just how exhausting being overloaded can be in a event I went to a while back. It was really noisy and by the end of the event I was REALLY TIRED. If I am in a noisy place I go and find somewhere quiet to take a break at. This helps me be a lot less tired and helps me cope with my sensory issues better.
Another frustrating thing for me is when somebody says something and then changes it. That confuses me. I hate that. Yet another frustration is when there is change. I find change to be hard, People don’t usually realize this, but I need time to adjust to change. Even going to a new environment can be really hard for me. I need people to be patient with me.
One of my challenges is my social anxiety. Sometimes it gets the better of me. I am working in this. So far I am now able to order at a restaurant and engage in small talk (yay!). My goal is to eventually be able to start and maintain a conversation with practice.
My last frustrating thing of being Autistic is that I have to hide myself. Sure, I stim out in public, but I’m constantly watching people because I am afraid of being judged. I can’t explain my hardships to my friends because I don’t want to tell them I’m Autistic because I fear that they will become upset.
To end this post I’m going to say this. I love my family, I have an awesome family. 🙂 I also love my friends. Yes, I get frustrated with them at times because they can’t live in my shoes, but they are still my friends and I like to hang out with them. 🙂 This journey as an Autistic person may be hard, but I am taking this journey one step at a time. I do not plan on giving up anytime soon.
photo credit: um.air <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/124274922@N08/21466410532″>Is it done yet?</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.0/”>(license)</a>