As an Autistic person, I can have trouble expressing emotions. I do not get excited/enthusiastic about things. I may think “Yeah, that’s pretty cool.” but I will often not show much emotion. I only get really excited about big things. The only times I can remember being really excited is when (1) When I got a letter from Temple Grandin (I had written to her first), (2) When I got to go to a Parelli tour event, (3) Christmas day, and (4) When I got to go to a cool waterpark on vacation. When I do get excited I often squeal in a high pitch to show my excitement.
I can get really upset about things some of the time. If I cry it’s either a few tears misting my eyes or full-out sobbing with gushing tears. I don’t get mad a lot. Some people misread me when I’m upset, or content as me being mad. Yes, I can get irritated/annoyed, but I don’t like having a “Mad” label put on me. I do feel a range of other emotions as well. Fear tends to be one of the main emotions I feel, I can have transition anxiety, anxiety about socializing, anxiety when there is a thunderstorm, etc.
I do have affection for others, I just don’t like hugging. I can think of several people in my life that I really love and trust. I am working on being able to tolerate hugs. So far I am able to tolerate a hug if I know it is coming and if the person asks permission. I just don’t like the out of the blue bear hugs. That overwhelms me, and I often become stiff all over because I am overwhelmed.
I don’t express happiness a lot. I can be happy but have a blank face. I do smile, I especially smile when somebody is being really funny. I don’t like to make silly faces because it feels weird. I will smile or laugh if somebody is making silly faces, though.
This is how I feel my emotions as an Autistic person. I am not “emotion-less” I just feel emotions in a different way.
photo credit: Chris B Richmond <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/35652152@N07/27867033081″>Under the Bridge</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/”>(license)</a>