As an Autistic person transitions can be hard for me sometimes. One of the hardest transitions for me is going to one of my extra activities and then not going for a few weeks. When it is time to go back I have a lot of anxiety, “What mood will everybody be in?” “What if I do something wrong and look stupid?”. All kinds of scenarios end up swirling around in my head and I end up getting a stomach ache before (sometimes the stomach ache lasts through the car ride too).
The anxiety that I feel is because I cannot predict everything. I feel calm when I have control of things and when I can predict things. If I can’t predict things or have control then I become anxious. When I see people that I haven’t seen in over a week I get anxious. I can’t predict what mood they will be in, and I can’t predict how things will go.
I usually end up being quiet. I think people read this as me not wanting to talk, or that I am in a bad mood. It’s not either of these things. When I am anxious I go quiet. People then sometimes get onto me, they try to get me to talk when I’m not ready to talk. I need time and when I’m ready to talk, I will talk.
This is why I sometimes have trouble with transitions.
photo credit: H o l l y. <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/48337528@N05/7257266384″>day 017.</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/”>(license)</a>