I had been struggling for a while, my anxiety and frustration was getting harder to cope with. Going to a place for longer than an hour, when I thought we were only going to be there for 30 minutes, having my routine changed, not being understood, and not understanding others was taking a toll on me.
My self-esteem was low, very low. I felt like I was ashamed, ashamed of being Autistic, I thought I was a mistake, I cried a lot. I felt like it was impossible to try to even explain why meltdowns aren’t “on purpose” or how I think in “literal” terms. Finally, I decided I needed to get it out. I talked with another family member about why I was struggling, the anxiety, the changes in routine, my literal thinking, etc. Finally, I was understood. We agreed to lay out a schedule and to be clearer in communication.
Being Autistic can be hard, It can feel like nobody understands you because you are not like “them”. I am now learning to let go of being ashamed of my autism. I’m trying to come out of my shell. It may take time, but I am hoping to learn to love myself, even though I am autistic. It’s hard to cope with sensory issues, because of my sensory issues, I can’t go to a lot of places to socialize. I can’t talk with my earplugs in. 😦 But, I’m learning to accept that sensory issues are a part of me and that I should not be ashamed because I have sensory issues.
I love my family members, they are not “bad people” they just sometimes don’t understand because they are not autistic. Hopefully one day every autistic person will be understood and accepted for who they are. 🙂
photo credit: Lukas Krasa <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/105393908@N03/21443620941″>Smile of the day</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/”>(license)</a>