The times when I feel like I don’t “fit in” socially.

I struggle with socializing. The only people I can really socialize with is my teacher or my friend. Sometimes it’s hard to even socialize with my friend or teacher. I try to think of something to talk about, but usually, I can’t come up with anything, or I have already talked about a specific thing with my friend or teacher before.

In addition to being Autistic, I have social anxiety. This can make it hard to socialize because I don’t want to look “stupid” or seem “weird” for trying to talk about something. NT’s are so confusing. Especially when you are trying to figure out about what everybody else is talking about such as boyfriends or houses.

There are some people in my life that are nice to me and ask me how I am doing. This is a good thing for me because I can engage with this and say “I’m good” and continue on if I feel like it. Sometimes I find it hard to try to start a conversation with these people because if they are talking about something I don’t want to interrupt their conversations with others.

In addition to this, I sometimes run out of “spoons” because of my sensory isuses, anxiety, and trying to listen to conversations. I end up having to take small breaks and I have to ration my spoons. If I run out of “spoons” then I have to stop completely and go to a quieter space to rest.

I like to think of it this way. There are “social circles” in the world of NT’s. A “social circle” is a group of people that talk with each other often.So, the NT’s are socializing and having a good time, I am sitting processing what they are talking about. I try to think of something to talk about but I am blank. I fade in and out of the background while others talk. I wish that I could talk with somebody, because I am lonely, but I don’t know how to fit in like NT’s do.

This is what I struggle with socially as an Autistic person, I don’t “fit in”.

 

photo credit: aquopshilton <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/76804652@N02/7158670888″></a&gt; via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/”>(license)</a&gt;

 

 

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3 thoughts on “The times when I feel like I don’t “fit in” socially.

  1. theres a site called “itgetsbetter” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oWL3xmjhC3c which encourages gays to have hope for a better future, where they have more rights out in the open and more opportunities to feel good about humanity.

    in many ways, the autistic community needs this sort of thing. they need to know that there will be more opportunties, more acceptance, more understanding, and less anxiety– that they wont have to just be like everyone else, or pass or lead a double life.

    this future will happen for the simple reason that people will work to make it happen. people are (slowly) working to make this happen, right now. and yes, people can join that effort to make it happen. if youre blogging about it, youre already one of those people, helping everyone else by giving yourself a voice and telling people what its really like. thats one of many things that HAS TO HAPPEN for things to move forward.

    welcome to our circle. and let me tell you, from one of us (one of you) to another– talking to people online DOES increase your confidence, ability, finesse, patience, to speak to people “offline.” it may take years, but the practice DOES transfer– pleasure to meet you.

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  2. I would rather be accepted than fit in. If I ever have a social life, I want to be valued for my strengths and accepted when weak. Life is so big, random and loud. I pray that, with more acceptance of autistic people there will be more small, controlled, quiet places in which to engage.

    Liked by 1 person

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