An Autistic’s struggle.

Inside my head, thoughts are constantly clashing and whirling,

I would like to talk,

but the words are stuck like glue in my mouth,

they cannot come out.

The voices in my head are screaming at me,


I am having a meltdown, tears are streaming down my face, I feel like my chest is going to explode, I am simply overwhelmed,

Slowly, I can breathe again, the meltdown slowly subsides, I feel tired, the meltdown has taken up energy.

I want to stim, but I also want to fit in,

I don’t know what everybody’s reaction will be,

I want to flap my hands and rock, but will they accept me still?

I feel invisible because I cannot start a conversation,

Oh, if only it was easier!!

My sensory issues can make me feel miserable,

The shrieking sound of a siren,

The taste of an apple as it changes texture in my mouth,

The smell of oatmeal (*eeewww*),

The unexpected touch from a friend,

and the flickering of a fluorescent light that is driving me crazy.

People don’t see my struggle, they probably think I’m just quiet or shy,

But, I do want to interact!!

But, I don’t know how.

I try to plan the conversation in my head,

but it never works out.

I run out of spoons, and I become tired or agitated,

I must rest or sleep to recover my spoons.

I do not like change,

my routine is my friend,

my routine reduces anxiety.

If only I could have someone,

who I could just be with,

who would understand me,

accept me, and talk with me.

If only there was someone who could understand the struggles of an “Autistic”.


This is a poem I wrote about my struggles as an Autistic person.


photo credit: Send me adrift. <a href=”″>Worn</a&gt; via <a href=””>photopin</a&gt; <a href=””>(license)</a&gt;





4 thoughts on “An Autistic’s struggle.

  1. Thank you for sharing your poem. I wrote a meltdown poem of my own. Mine always start with sensory overload from noise. The self loathing & guilt comes later. I know it isn’t all my fault, the way insensitive people react, but it brings me down, having to live in a world full of so much prejudice and hatred against anything not considered “the norm”. If that’s the norm, then I don’t want to be part of it. I want not to have the sensory issues, but God may or may not see fit to help me remove them. I wish there was a “hearing loss aid”, where you could decrease the noise in increments until artificially deaf.


    • My meltdowns start from anxiety, frustration, or sensory overload. My most common trigger is anxiety. 😦 I don’t like my sensory issues at times either, but I believe God created Autistic people for a reason, even if it is difficult to function in a noisy, non-understanding, changing world.


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