When I am silent,
with the words swirling around in my head,
my stomach in knots,
my heart beating faster,
and my chest tight,
please understand that I’m not trying to ignore you or be rude,
Sometimes I can’t get the words out.
My Anxiety keeps talking “she hates you!” “You are a loser!” “You are ugly!”
My anxiety will not be quiet, It is there all the time, reminding me of its presence,
I hate the feeling.
A neurotypical looks at me for a response,
her eyes are looking into me,
I feel scared, exposed, and unready to speak.
She keeps looking at me, I feel so uncomfortable, it’s like she is looking into my soul.
Please don’t force me to speak, please wait,
please just be there for me, just being there for me and not requiring me to speak would help,
I will speak when I am ready.
Please don’t expect me to act like a “Neurotypical”
always be verbal,
make eye contact,
know all the social rules.
I need time,
I will speak when I’m ready.
When my voice is silent,
it’s because of my anxiety or I don’t know what to talk about.
Please understand that I still like you,
even if I’m silent, and have lost the words for you.
This is is a poem about when I lose my words or can’t start a conversation/speak when I have anxiety.
photo credit: Gabriela Camerotti <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/50417132@N00/4360741172″>Away</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.0/”>(license)</a>