Turmoil in my head

The sound, oh the loud sound is coming into my ears,

I hate it, I wish I could shut it out.

It bounces around in my head, causing me pain,

While other Neurotypicals enjoy the social event,

I am sitting in silence, but yet there is a storm inside my head,

Swirling inside, crashing and bashing.

It is the flash of the lights on a fire truck,

That are like bright blue and red lasers,

Going straight into my eyes,

Causing me to look away.

It is the movement of the people,

Lots of people, so much to process,

That is overwhelming me.

I am getting my picture taken with my Neurotypical friends,

Suddenly a flash comes,

It is like lightning,

Itโ€™s blinding,

Startling,

Sudden.

I feel the feeling of sensory overload coming on,

And the switch is flipped,

From calm to a storm within seconds,

I shake my head, I canโ€™t control it, and I cannot stop.

People stare at me, wondering what is happening within.

Within a few minutes, the storm has passed, but the effects are still lingering in my system

The pounding heart,

The shortness of breath,

The voice of anxiety is screaming in my head.

I try to look ok,

I try to breathe,

And slowly the feeling leaves,

But that risk is always there,

Sensory overload.

The switch could be flipped,

And the storm could start again,

The meltdown or shutdown could come,

But I donโ€™t know when.

 

This is a poem about sensory overload that I wrote.

 

photo credit: Kamila Gornia <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/35766190@N08/8386036730″>15/365</a&gt; via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/”>(license)</a&gt;

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Turmoil in my head

  1. Thank you VERY MUCH for explaining the uncertainty of how I live with similar circumstances. I will give you a specific: the cat tried to bite me a few nights ago, totally unexpected. I was instantly startled and had thoughts of hurting her very badly. I had to force myself to walk away and not indulge my violent thoughts. I prayed for strength.
    With the sensory, I avoid a lot of life due to the fact my startle reflex is so acute and violent outbursts often follow, screaming, banging my fists on my head or hitting someone else if they try and touch me.
    IQ won’t save me. Learning coping skills and repeating them will help 80% of the time.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Your very welcome! Yes, I know it can be hard with the startle thing. What helps me is telling others I know that I get startled easily so they will hopefully not do something sudden (sudden movement, sudden sound, etc.) I am glad to hear that you are trying to learn coping skills, keep trying. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Oh my goodness yes! (Have you been stealing glances through my window? ๐Ÿ˜‰). You nailed it so perfectly โค๏ธ

    Thank you for this ๐Ÿ˜Š

    Warm thoughts to you!
    ~The Silent Wave Blog writer/Laina ๐ŸŒŸ๐ŸŒŸ

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s