On the outside looking in.

Words, so many words,

Exchanged between people,

Laughter, pause, more words.

 

Standing on the outside,

Observing all of these words,

So many different things are being talked about.

 

I go into another room,

The anxiety rises up inside of me,

The voice starts to scream and torture me,

I lay down to try to shut it out,

But my physical sensations make it impossible to shut out my anxiety.

 

At an event,

So much going on,

Music,

Vibrations,

Talking,

Cars going by.

 

I find a new friend,

A puppy,

The owner lets me snuggle with it.

 

The puppy sits in my lap,

I stroke its velvet soft fur,

I feel calmer now,

The world is less overwhelming.

 

I’m on the outside looking in,

Trying to observe,

How to do what neurotypicals do,

They make it look so easy,

I envy their skills.

 

Maybe someday it will be easier,

Maybe someday I will learn,

To talk, to laugh, to dance without fear,

And so I can be on the inside,

Instead of being on the outside looking in.

 

 

 

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