Another Meltdown

Yesterday I had a meltdown.

I feel very agitated and anxious right now. This feeling slowly continues on. As I stand I feel the emotion rising inside of me, like a volcano erupting. I cannot stop it, this has to run its course. I cry uncontrollably, the tears streaming down my face, I try to hold back a scream, and I cannot. It escapes and I scream. I feel like I am drowning, and yet I am on land. My back aches from the strain of my crying. Slowly, it goes away and I can breathe again. I feel exhausted by this meltdown.

Meltdowns suck. Meltdowns feel like everything is spinning out of control. I fear that I will be judged if I have one in public. Neurotypicals sometimes don’t understand meltdowns. I cannot explain a meltdown very well to a Neurotypical either. A meltdown has to run its course, I have to let go and wait. Meltdowns happen, they are not totally preventable. I do not know what triggered this last meltdown, but I think it had to do with my anxiety and Prozac. My Prozac is not working out for me, it is making me feel worse so I am going to go see my Doctor again soon to talk about trying a different medication.

Autism meltdowns suck, but it’s ok. I know that it is just a part of being “Autistic”. I know that I can get through them. If you are Autistic and have meltdowns, it’s ok. Yes, I know they are horrible, but you can get through it.