Words, so many words,
Exchanged between people,
Laughter, pause, more words.
Standing on the outside,
Observing all of these words,
So many different things are being talked about.
I go into another room,
The anxiety rises up inside of me,
The voice starts to scream and torture me,
I lay down to try to shut it out,
But my physical sensations make it impossible to shut out my anxiety.
At an event,
So much going on,
Cars going by.
I find a new friend,
The owner lets me snuggle with it.
The puppy sits in my lap,
I stroke its velvet soft fur,
I feel calmer now,
The world is less overwhelming.
I’m on the outside looking in,
Trying to observe,
How to do what neurotypicals do,
They make it look so easy,
I envy their skills.
Maybe someday it will be easier,
Maybe someday I will learn,
To talk, to laugh, to dance without fear,
And so I can be on the inside,
Instead of being on the outside looking in.